I was just about to write about how I am getting there! How I am feeling like I am getting the hang of this single parenting thing. That I am growing more and more into the person I think I am. But just as I was going to write that down, I realised how its not about getting there, but more about being here. (yes a cliche, I know) So, I am here now, the woman of my dreams. It’s me and I am super happy to be her. There is no one to become, the very thought of becoming something else that I am now sounds a bit weird to me now as I am writing this down. All these years I was trying to become something, instead of just uncovering that which I am already. By simply being here and now.
For a few years, some of my friends told me repeatedly that I should live more in the now.. But I have never been much of a woman who likes being told what to do (even when I know they were right). Looking back, I also know now I could not do it then. I was so bussy with becoming, because in a phase of my life I couldn’t be who I wanted to be, because there was so much pain.
However this year has propelled me into being here/now, more than ever. I started wanting to feel like I was enough, like everything I do is enough. Because in the past I often felt like I was never good enough, never doing enough. There was always something needing to be chased, there was always something more to desire. Even as a mother, I didn’t feel like I was good enough, I had to be the perfect mom for Kaia. I simply wanted to be everything to her. Funny is that when I look in to her eyes, I can see I am already everything to her and I don’t need to strive for anything. I am just good enough for her as I am.
I am enough
We all have desires, things we want to experience in life. And while I still think it’s totally ok to have desires, I also come to realise that not all desires need to be chased. Putting the intention out there and keep moving into inspired action is usually enough. And by doing that everything keeps unfolding. Giving me the proof once more that I will get everything I need in the right moment. Besides that, I realise now that sometimes what I want, is not what I need. Sometimes the mind thinks it knows what it wants and masks it in all kinds of desires but when I slow down and be present more, I got everything I need already in this very moment. When I start fighting for a specific outcome, it usually means I am not walking my own path anymore, that somehow I lost a connection to my heart/soul, that I should slow down my pace and move back into trust. When I am doing that, I also move back into the feeling that:
I AM ENOUGH. <3