Who am I? Really? That is a question I have been asking myself since I was about 12 years old. I was questioning myself, others, society and life so much, that I ended up getting a questionmark tattood on my wrist. As far as I remember I have been on a constant quest for knowledge, trying to find myself and make sense of this world. I used to have very strong convictions, and a very passionate heart for humans in general, especially the underpriviliged. Why? Because I know how privilige can affect the course of peoples lifes and how it can make life unfair. But as I grew older, I also learnt that there is still a lot that one person can do if they find the strength within themselves to overcome the obstacles laying before them. Justice (universal/spiritual) has been on my agenda since I was a snotty 10 year old. Arguing with certain people, that some of the so-called jokes they made, were in fact quite racist.
Ignorance has been my allergy and well, I havent always been easy on people when I came across it. Honestly I have not been easy, because I was different and I never knew why until I got diagnosed.
Being different and having problems at home made me wanna leave as early as I could. I needed to figure life out for myself, before I could do anything such as studying. That’s why I never finished highschool. I needed to learn from the school of life (or hardknocks).
Going on a quest of my individuality and adventure, I have gotten myself into shitty situations more than I can count, but somehow my soul wanted to learn what it had to learn. The hard way. Do I regret it? No, no more regrets, I’m past that stage. I had to do a lot of healing and soul searching to eventually become the woman I am today. Diagnosed and mis-diagnosed a few times, I can finally come to terms with my dual diagnosis of ADHD/Autism (in fact, I am still fighting those sometimes, but I am getting there).
Selflove and selfcare are my biggest challenges in life. Because I have been frequently misunderstood as a child, punished a lot for who I was (a wild child) and because I wanted to fit in so much, I unfortunately had to sell my soul a few times, which did not end well for me. It resulted in me absolutely hating myself as a teenager, selfharming and whatnot, hating the world and fighting everything and everyone in my way.
I was a force of nature and I’m only now learning how to channel all that energy. 2 steps forward and 1 backwards, often to my frustration.
So, after many adventures, travelling India, Panama, living in Portugal, changing homes about 20 times, I finally landed a job for life… Motherhood. Offcourse completely in Jessica-style, unplanned, but oh so welcome! I wanted to be a mom as long as I remember being on this earth, so my daughter was the biggest present I ever got in life. And offcourse, the biggest learning experience ever, propelling me into a pressure cooker of personal development, which has taught me more about love than any other relationship I had. Offcourse motherhood comes with it’s challenges and that’s why I like to write about it so much!
As far as I remember, writing always has been my thing. One of my primary school teachers mentioned I should become a writer, but I never really took that serious (never took myself very serious in that matter). But, I guess there is no flying from fate, so a few years ago I realised that I had itchy fingers and needed to start writing again. Starting out with some posts on Facebook, creating a page for my poems and eventually writing about ADHD for the Dutch website Adhdvrouw and online magazine Pandemic.
After starting a few mom-blogs here and there, I have decided I needed one website, where I can pour my heart out on a numerous amount of topics, so that is how Life with Jessica has come into existence.
I write to process my experiences in life, but also to provoke and inspire people. I like to get my ideas out into the world and stimulate dialogue about several topics. I love humanity and the struggle of the human experience, so apart from motherhood and life, I like to have the occasional rant about how we humans can be absolutely ridiculous and how we could make this world a better place somehow. Because in the end, I am hopelessly idealist and I dont want to change that. I believe we are on our way to a more equal and loving society and I want to be part of that change.
Have fun reading and by all means: Reply, share and get the conversation going!